Ephesians 5:22-24

of the rest of this chapter and part of

chapter six,

which are all on the family.

And as you know, we start with the wives here.

Verse 22 to 24, as I've been telling you

ladies first,

but don't worry ladies, the men are next,

and you're gonna be glad you went first

is all I'm gonna say before we get to that.

And these verses I think 22 to 24 are gonna

take

two messages.

So this will actually kind of be a

foundational message

in itself for this entire text of these verses

.

But let's begin by reading verses 22 to 24.

Wives be subject to your own husbands as to

the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife,

as Christ also is the head of the church,

he himself being the savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ,

so also the wives ought to be to their

husbands

in everything.

You were here for Sunday school.

We had a great lesson on this to lead up to

this sermon today.

And as you know, God originally designed

marriage

to be the very best that life itself has to

offer.

Peter, Peter called it the grace of life.

But as we learned last time, since the fall of

man,

marriage has been anything but that for many,

many people.

In fact, probably for most people.

Marriage starts off in euphoria.

Butterflies of love.

How many remember the butterflies?

Bliss even, but in far too many cases,

it gradually descends in varying rates of

speed

into war on the battlefield of bickering,

bitterness, discontentment, unforgiveness,

separation,

and then the last terrible stage, divorce.

There are usually moments of truce in this

decline.

Sometimes it may even look at some points

that there's lasting peace that may come,

but for so many, so many, the struggle is real

.

We went through the statistics last time.

Most today bail out.

Most today bail out in the first few years.

God's original design and still his standard

for today

is very clear, one man, one woman together for

life.

That's God's standard.

And last week we traced all the way back,

if you remember, to the root of our current

problem,

Genesis three, where God cursed man and woman

for the sin they committed, not a metaphor,

a real event in history, the actual first two

people

that God created, sin caused the curse

and the curse hit marriage right at the heart.

And remember, the woman, as a result of the

curse,

seeks after the fall, naturally in herself

to control the man, not to submit to him.

And the man, also cursed, is naturally given

in his natural self to dominating and over

powering

the woman and crushing her in sinful kind of

ways.

And let me ask you, has not history borne this

out?

I mean, haven't we seen this play out

over and over and over again?

So part of the curse, this marital conflict

is on the very inside of marriage

and it's coming from both spouses

as they're bumping into one another in this

curse,

but you can also add to that the terrible

assault

that our enemy makes on the outside.

And from the outside, he hates marriage.

He seeks to destroy marriage

and look at all the tools he has at his

disposal

to destroy marriages, the media, the internet,

on and on down the list I can go.

In fact, before we ever even get out of the

book

of Genesis, we see marriage assaulted

tremendously

from the outside.

He's starting in Genesis four, we get polygamy

and then it just keeps going downhill, adul

tery,

homosexuality, prostitution, everything you

can think of.

The Bible is wild in the Old Testament, right?

Right off, right off the bat, right after the

fall.

So conflict entered into the relationship

between a man and a woman on the inside,

naturally as a part of the curse,

but also from the outside and our adversary

always seeking to destroy what God has

intended for good.

And then just put all this together

and consider the fact as well that you have

two sinners

in the flesh with strong desires,

each of them for their own will and their own

way,

as we talked about in those first two messages

,

selfishly colliding into one another on a

regular basis.

And even Christians when they get in the flesh

and walk in the flesh means that the only real

hope

to reverse this dumpster fire

is to follow the pattern that God has revealed

in scripture.

The only real hope for marriage, church,

is to be obedient to God's word

and to be empowered by God's spirit.

And don't forget, I'm gonna say this one more

time,

I've said it in the last two messages

repeatedly,

everything has to start, the foundation in a

marriage.

In addition to being, remember this,

spirit filled, joyful, always giving thanks

for all things.

That's Ephesians 5, 18 to 20,

but especially that foundation in verse 21.

Look at it with me, Ephesians 5, 21.

And be subject to one another in the fear of

Christ.

Remember the reverential awe of Christ.

This phrase, you see it, be subject,

also translated, submit to one another.

Remember that's the responsibility of all

believers

to all other believers.

That's what Paul is saying here.

There is to be a mutual submission for all of

us

that we're to have towards one another,

being more concerned about the things of

others

than our own things.

Putting others first, this includes,

this is what's so important,

a mutual submission between Christian spouses.

As the foundation before we ever get to the

roles.

That's where we're heading next.

But this is so important.

And this is where it has to start.

It has to be there as a foundation.

Now, we move to verse 22.

In particular, look at it with me.

Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to

the Lord.

Now, all of us submit at some point,

and I'm fixing to show you that.

And here in verse 22, Paul is clear.

It's God's way for the wife

to willingly submit to the leadership of her

husband.

When properly followed,

this alone can minimize the curse and reverse

the conflict.

So let's get into this text with our first

point.

The first point is the matter of submission.

And we're not gonna get out of this first

point today.

The other points are gonna be for next time.

Notice specific here, verse 22.

Wives, be subject to your, look at that word,

own husbands.

That means she's not available to all men.

She's not told to be submissive to all men,

only her husband, the man she possesses.

The one that is hers, like I am to Christi.

That's a beautiful thought, isn't it?

The sole possession of the wife is the husband

.

There's no other men involved here.

He belongs to her and yet at the same time.

In God's design, she submits to him.

Remember the parallel passage.

Let's look at it together.

Colossians 3, 18.

Because Paul wants to make sure everybody gets

this.

This is so important for the structure of the

family.

Look at it.

Wives be fitting to be subject to your

husbands.

And then look what he adds, as is fitting.

Look at that word, in the Lord.

Do you hear that, married ladies?

This is fitting.

This is proper.

This is appropriate.

This is right before the Lord.

This is fitting according to God

to be biblically submissive to your husband.

This is not a cultural preference.

This is a spiritual command.

Now, let's parse this and understand

that there is a limit to what is fitting in

submission.

It does not mean that a woman submits to her

own husband

in that which dishonors God, okay?

Like in Acts, remember when the apostles were

commanded

not to preach, what did they say?

We must obey God and not men.

And they were happy to take a beating for that

, right?

Think of it this way.

If I told Christy, hey Christy,

I think I wanna have a career change.

Let's go be bank robbers

and you're gonna drive the getaway car.

Now, in that case, and if you get that picture

in your mind,

that's quite a funny picture if you think

about it,

but she is not to submit to my authority

in that career change, okay?

So everything has limits.

Now, there are even more passages

besides this one here in Colossians

to support this idea of wives submitting

to their own husbands.

And I want to build these for you

so that you can see it's not just here in Eph

esians.

Look with me at verse Peter three, starting in

verse one.

In the same way, wives be submissive to your

own husbands.

And here we have the same issue.

Now this verse starts out, look at it,

that first phrase in the same way.

Well, what does that mean?

Well, to get to what he's meaning in the same

way,

you gotta go back to first Peter two, verse 13

.

This is where the context starts, okay?

Read with me starting in verse 13.

Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake

to every human institution,

whether to a king as the one in authority,

verse 14,

or to governors as sent by him

for the punishment of evil doers

and the praise of those who do right.

Like I said, all of us submit at some point.

We all submit to the authority of the

government.

Try not paying your taxes and see what's gonna

happen.

But again, even this has limits.

Do you remember during COVID, John MacArthur

stood up

through those grievous policies of California,

not allowing him to have church and what did

he say?

I'm gonna obey God and not man.

And they opened up the church.

He even had a change in his theological

perspective on this.

And in God's providence,

all the legal bills had to be paid by the

state

when the state came after them.

So do we disobey God or man?

Well, when it comes to that decision for

believers,

the answer is very simple.

It's always God.

So submission has its limits.

But in general, here's Peter commanding us.

As long as government is not asking us to do

something

that dishonors God,

we are to submit to the governing authorities.

Look in verse 18.

Servants, be submissive to your masters with

all respect,

not only to those who are good and gentle,

but also to those who are unreasonable.

Now get ready for a gigging here.

This applies to employers and employees today.

So we all have levels of submission

that God has ordained.

Look at verse 15.

"For such is the will of God that by doing

right,

you may silence the ignorance of foolish men."

And then skip over to verse 17, makes it real

clear,

"Honor all people, love the brotherhood,

fear God, honor the king."

Now, here is a hard reality.

Notice he doesn't tell us what form of

government,

what kind of government,

what moral standards of that government happen

to be.

We are to submit to the government that we

live under,

except when the government gets us to try

or to get us to disobey God.

Do you know who was in charge of all the

government

when Peter wrote this letter?

The most wicked emperor of all time, Nero.

If you ain't never read about Nero,

just get you a little bit of him.

I'm talking about a madman.

And Peter is writing,

we're submissive under the government of Nero.

I guarantee you, there's no leftist president

that comes anywhere close to what this guy was

doing,

as most of you know.

And here's another hard reality.

This is hard.

Look, verse 18, "Same kind of submission to

your employer."

That's why I've worked so many different

secular jobs,

I believe.

Look what it says, "The good and the gentle

and the unreasonable."

Anybody out here ever had an unreasonable boss

?

Why, why?

This finds favor with God.

Look at verse 19, "For this finds favor

if for the sake of conscience toward God,

a person bears up under sorrows when suffering

unjustly."

If you submit to that unreasonable boss

for the sake of conscience toward God,

and you bear up under sorrows when suffering

unjustly,

guess what, you are increasing your eternal

reward.

That's hard.

As you bear up rightly in that situation

with faith in God's sovereign care and plan

for having you in that situation,

rather than responding with anger and host

ility

and discontent and pride.

He's telling us this finds favor with God

when you behave like that.

Again, I'm not saying that's easy.

I have failed at that in the past.

Not easy, but what do I always tell you?

Possible for the Christian in the power of the

Holy Spirit.

We are able with the indwelling Holy Spirit to

do this.

Now, we seem to run into that a lot,

don't we here in Ephesians?

Not easy, but possible in the power of the

Spirit.

And Peter goes on to give us the greatest

illustration

of this next.

I want you to look with me there in verses 21

to 24.

Here's the greatest example of all, as always.

Peter writes in starting in verse 21,

"For you have been called for this purpose,

"since Christ also suffered for you,

"leaving you an example for you to follow in

his steps,

"who committed no sin nor was any deceit found

in his mouth.

"And while being reviled, he did not revile in

return.

"While suffering, he uttered no threats,

"but kept entrusting himself to him who judges

righteously

"and he himself bore our sins in his body on

the cross,

"so that we might die to sin and live to

righteousness

"for by his wounds you were healed."

Think about that.

Jesus suffered the most unjust punishment

in the history of humanity.

No one will ever suffer like Jesus

when God became a man.

And what did man do to the God man?

Spit on him, plucked out his beard, punched

him in the face.

Whipped him, beat him and nailed him to a

cross unjustly

in a sham trial.

Consider that he didn't retaliate.

That's what this text is telling us.

He never uttered any threats.

What did he do in his incarnation as the God

man?

He just turned himself over to the care

of his sovereign father.

That's our example, that's what Peter is

saying.

And after all of that, now that we just read,

going back to 1 Peter 2, verse 13,

look now at 3-1, you gotta remember,

originally no chapter breaks here, okay?

So we're still in context from where we

started

in verse 13 of chapter two,

then we get to chapter three, verse one.

And what does he say? In the same way you

wives,

you see that?

What same way?

We'll go back in context.

In the same way as the authority

that you submit to under government,

in the same way as you submit as an employee

to the authority of an employer,

no matter how the government or the employer

acts.

Now, now we're getting into tough stuff.

In the same way, now then Peter takes it to

the nth degree.

In the same way, wives that Jesus suffered

unjustly,

but committed himself to God.

In the same way, you wives,

be submissive to your husband.

This is really hard.

Because the implication here of course is,

it doesn't really matter what kind of husband

he is.

And it's more than an implication

because I want you to just keep reading.

Go back and start in verse one.

In the same way you wives,

be submissive to your own husbands

so that even if any of them are disobedient to

the word,

they may be one without a word.

Look at this, behavior of their wives.

That is tough right there.

That's tough Bible.

That requires loads of spiritual maturity.

If you're a Christian woman in that situation,

let me tell you what this verse should do.

Any of you young ladies out there,

this should make you double down

on making sure with all of your heart and your

guts

to make sure you're marrying a genuine

Christian man.

And you don't fall into this situation

of marrying a man who is not a believer

or only professes to be a believer, but he's

really not.

I mean, by way of implication, what is Peter

saying?

Even if they're not saved.

Or maybe they made a profession of faith,

but they sure don't act like it.

He's saying here, you can't escape it.

You're still to submit.

Remember, what did he say?

This is fitting.

But fitting has its limits.

Like I said, getting you to do things God

hates,

you don't submit there.

And there's some other scenarios with this,

some specific things, but I don't wanna get

into that.

We're gonna get into that next time

that fall under all this, but in general,

what Peter is getting at, look again,

into verse one and into verse two, look at it.

They may be one without a word

by the behavior of their wives

as they observe your chase and respectful

behavior.

And he goes on in that text of talk about

wives

having a gentle and quiet spirit.

John MacArthur says, "Every man's dream."

But Peter's point is how you behave

as a Christian submissive wife may be used by

God,

may be used by God to bring your unbelieving

husband

to salvation.

Now, listen, let's get practical.

That doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

That doesn't mean that you have to kill your

personality.

And for some of you older folks,

you remember that movie, "The Stepford Wives"

from the '70s where the wives were like robots

?

And that doesn't mean you have to be a step

ford wife.

It means that you have to behave

in the way that God intends you to

in this very hard situation.

That's what Peter is telling us here

with an unbelieving husband.

And then how you carry yourself

in that very hard situation,

it may result in a whole different man by way

of salvation.

Now, next I want to do something different.

Remember, we had the historical perspective

of what was going on in marriage

back in the time of Paul last week.

Well, I want you to turn over to 1 Corinthians

chapter 11.

Remember last week, I told you,

they had that women's live movement

going on in Roman culture.

Remember the pig sticking women

and we talked about all of that?

Well, they had the same thing in Corinth.

There were certain women even within the

church

who felt, well, now we're free in Christ,

so we don't have to be under the authority

of our husbands anymore.

And they started way overstepping the bounds

of their God ordained roles.

That brought reproach upon the church and on

Christ.

And then Corinthian society avail,

a head covering was the symbol of femininity.

It was the symbol of modesty and meekness and

submission.

And apparently there were basically two types

of women

in the Corinthian culture that did not wear a

veil.

The feminists of that time,

they were protesting the role of women and the

prostitutes.

They were prostituting the role of women.

So that's the historical background.

And of course, with the head covering deal,

you know this, there's all kind of different

opinions

and there's arguments over this stuff.

I used to go to Ligonier conference

and there'd be a whole family with little

girls

and the wife and they'd all have a head

covering on.

I don't wanna get into all that right now.

I'm just gonna give you the interpretation I

think is best.

In 1 Corinthians 11, verse three, let's look

at it.

But I want you to understand that Christ

is the head of every man.

And the man is the head of a woman

and God is the head of Christ.

So we see again the order.

And Paul is saying this to show us that there

is,

as we've been talking about all along,

there is this authority and submission

principle

that is put in place by God

and it starts all the way up with God

and filters all the way down.

That nothing about culture here

or something recently invented.

There has always been in God's design

this place of submission and authority.

Look next in verse four.

Every man who has something on his head

while praying or prophesying,

disgraces his head, verse five.

But every woman who has her head uncovered

while praying or prophesying, disgraces her

head

for she is one and the same as the woman

whose head is shaved.

Now let's get into what this means.

The women protestors in Paul's time

were shaving their heads, bald in protest

against the feminine role.

Look next in verse six.

"For if a woman does not cover her head,

let her also have her hair cut off.

But if it's disgraceful for a woman

to have her hair cut off or her head shaved,

let her cover her head."

In other words, there's no happy medium here.

If you take the thing off,

you might as well go all the way and shave

your head.

That's what he's saying right here.

Because you've done as much by taking that

thing off

to protest the purposes of God in this

cultural setting.

So understand in that time that Paul wrote

this letter,

the culture of that day had certain ways

to identify women.

They covered their heads, they had long hair

that was a sign of their femininity.

And when they wanted to protest that, what'd

they do?

Rip off the veil, shave the head.

Well, Paul is telling these Christian women

in the church at Corinth,

you gonna throw off that veil?

Might as well go all the way, shave your head

and join in with the prostitutes and the

protestors.

And Christian women, you can't do that.

That's what he's saying.

And understand though, this particular custom

was not

ordained by God, listen to this,

the distinction between men and women

that it represented is ordained by God in the

roles.

And by way of application, whatever that in

any society,

in any age is that maintains that distinction

between the roles, men and women, Christian

men, women,

you uphold that,

lest they conclude that you're fighting

against

God's ordained roles.

Then look next at verse seven,

for a man ought not to have his head covered

since he is the image and glory of God,

but the woman is the glory of man.

So man is not to identify that anything

in any way that identifies a woman

or in any way marks submission.

Listen to Deuteronomy, look at it with me.

22, verse five, what a verse for our day.

A woman shall not wear a man's clothing,

nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing,

for whoever does these things

is an abomination to the Lord your God.

Is that clear?

So all the transvestites out there,

repent and hear God's word and believe the

gospel and be saved.

That's what we're saying to them, period.

Now go back to verse seven.

For a man ought not to have his head covered

since he is the image and glory of God.

And we talked about this this morning in

Sunday school.

Both men and women are created in God's image.

Both men and women, but God has an order.

Man bears the glory of God in his unique way,

in his unique role that is separate from the

woman.

Why?

Because of his role that God has ordained.

Look next in verse seven.

But the woman is the glory of man.

Now listen to me, ladies.

That does not mean that a woman is inferior.

It doesn't mean that.

It simply means so simple.

God has an order just like man carries

authority,

delegated by God to him.

Also woman carries authority,

delegated to her by God through her husband.

God has an order from the very beginning.

We looked at this again in Sunday school.

We're gonna look at it again.

Man came from God and woman came from man.

Just look at it in Genesis two, 21 to 23.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep

to fall upon the man and he slept.

Then he took one of his ribs

and closed up the flesh of that place.

The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib

which he had taken from the man

and brought her to the man.

The man said, this is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman

because she was taken out of a man.

Now, did God have to do that whole taking out

the rib deal

to make a woman?

Did he have to do that?

No, he could have just thought it a woman up.

So why did he do it?

Clearly, he did it to demonstrate

his sovereign plan of authority and submission

.

I mean, is this really too hard to understand

what's going on here?

Is there any reason for ladies,

is there any reason for you to get offended

by this structure and this order?

Is there?

This is God's way.

So go back to 1 Corinthians 11 real quick.

Paul's simply saying,

and this is the reason why I'm using this as

an illustration.

This cultural demonstration of submission

and distinction with the long hair and the

veil.

He's saying, that's a good one.

It makes sense.

It does, it suits the created order.

And so since it does in the public out here,

especially in the church,

you Christian ladies ought to not violate that

.

And again, if you do,

because you think you're free in Christ to do

so,

well, go ahead, get the clippers out,

put them on zero and shave your hand, all of

it off.

Go ahead and do that and join with the prostit

utes

and the protestors to discredit the dist

inctions

that God has made from the very beginning.

Now, skip down to verses 11 and 12.

I mean, just to make sure everybody's real

clear,

Paul says this,

however, in the Lord,

neither is a woman independent of the man,

nor is a man independent of the woman, verse

12,

for as the woman originates from the man,

so also the man has his birth through the

woman

and all things originate from God.

So don't think that this means

because there is this authority

and submission principle ordained by God

that there is inequality between man and woman

spiritually

or that there is inequality between man and

woman humanly

or that there is inequality between man and

woman personally.

There is not.

This is a beautiful picture here of

independence.

What is distinct?

What all these verses are trying to get you to

see

is that there is equality, but there's

different roles,

not the intelligence, not the spiritual

capability,

not the social capability,

not the wisdom, as I used the example before

about women pastors.

Same thing, God has an order in the church.

Doesn't have anything to do with the woman's

intelligence

or anything like that.

There are distinct roles.

Who are we going to obey?

Are we going to obey God in his word with this

?

Or are we gonna let the culture infect us

in a different way?

That's really what this comes down to.

So Christian married women,

you must never think that your equality

in your spiritual standing before God

and your freedom that you have in Christ

has in any way, shape, or form been affected

by the God design role for you to be submiss

ive

to your husband, because none of that is

effective.

Now go back to Ephesians 5.

And let's take all these things

that we've just had by way of examples.

All right, we got them in our minds.

Now let's read this text again and see if it

helps you.

Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to

the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife.

As Christ also is the head of the church,

he himself being the savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ,

so also wives ought to be to their husbands in

everything.

So the matter of submission

is just so very clear in scripture.

God's design of order and authority and

submission,

guess what, church?

He designed it this way for our good, for our

good.

This is not something that we should rebel

against.

When we follow God's way,

it really is the best that marriage can

possibly be

in this life, this side of heaven.

Not perfect, gonna get a witness.

Not perfect, because we battle the flesh.

Remember, Christy tells y'all all the time,

if you just had a video camera in our kitchen

sometimes.

Right, and we all got that, right?

That's where the battle ground is the fiercest

.

Now, there's a whole lot more to say about

this text,

verses 22 to 24, and we didn't get too far

today,

so you know what that means.

That means you gotta come back next time

to get the rest in 23 and 24,

and get more of the meat and the bones

to learn about the best way,

which is God's way.

Let's pray together.

Father, we thank you for this text.

You ordain everything by way of preaching

as we go book by book and verse by verse,

and you have your reasons for why

I didn't stray this week

out of the regular exposition of Ephesians,

and we trust that.

But I pray that you would take this teaching

from these texts,

and that you would deepen our understanding

of your order, and your way,

and your roles, and Lord, as Christians,

we don't want our way.

I know that when life was left to me and

myself,

what a dumpster fire I made of life.

I want your way.

I don't care what it counter-cultural or

anything else,

how it looks to the world, who cares?

Lord, we want your way.

So deepen our understanding of this,

especially for our married ladies,

and getting ready for our husbands

as we go through this entire text,

as we see this great example and instruction

from you

on how we are to honor and order our families.

In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

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