1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,640 We are indeed blessed with our musicians and 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,840 Roger Dell leading our worship. 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,690 You have your Bibles turned with me to Ephes 4 00:00:12,690 --> 00:00:22,160 ians chapter number five, verse number 25. 5 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:31,310 Men, we've come to round two in our exposition 6 00:00:31,310 --> 00:00:33,040 of these verses, 7 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:39,480 that the Word of God instructs us on how we 8 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:46,650 are to love our wives. And if you didn't see 9 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:47,520 last week, 10 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,980 I encourage you to go back so that you can get 11 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:55,160 the fullness of all both the messages together 12 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:55,600 . 13 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:01,830 A whole lot has been written about and I even 14 00:01:01,830 --> 00:01:06,880 covered this in the two messages to the wives 15 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:11,490 about the tragic impact of the leftist 16 00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:15,950 feminist movement of our society in our 17 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,000 society. It really 18 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:22,800 has in so many ways negatively impacted not 19 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,400 only marriages, it's devastated families, 20 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:34,640 it's really destroyed individual women. It's 21 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:40,240 created chaos in our land on both social and 22 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:40,640 moral 23 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:46,790 levels. It's clearly an assault on God's 24 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:51,200 design for the family and for the general 25 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,440 happiness and the 26 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,600 prosperity of mankind. It's one of the 27 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:04,030 strongest, most influential planks of the Marx 28 00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,440 ist foundation 29 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,800 of the American political left. And yeah, I 30 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,160 say that straightforwardly because that's 31 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:10,800 where we're at. 32 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,020 Most of the preachers in our nation would 33 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,360 never even owe that sentence, but I will. 34 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,810 It's really impossible for me to speak too 35 00:02:21,810 --> 00:02:25,680 strongly against the leftist feminist movement 36 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:29,780 in our land. But at the same time, while it is 37 00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:35,120 good and it is right for me to point these 38 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,740 things out on the female side, we cannot 39 00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:42,810 ignore, especially here in this current time 40 00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:43,200 period, 41 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:48,650 the abject failure of men in our country. And 42 00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:53,160 specifically what I'm referring to is the 43 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:53,680 failure 44 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,890 of men to follow and fulfill their 45 00:02:57,890 --> 00:03:02,720 responsibility as God has designed their 46 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,160 responsibility 47 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,870 in His word. So many men in our society at 48 00:03:08,870 --> 00:03:14,630 this time have become weak and soft and effem 49 00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:15,280 inate. 50 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:19,490 Many pastors have as well across our land. And 51 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,640 I can tell you as a pastor, there is nothing 52 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:22,880 more 53 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,630 that makes me sick to my stomach to watch 54 00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:29,530 these videos online of these weak, woke, soft, 55 00:03:29,530 --> 00:03:30,400 effeminate 56 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,810 pastors. It makes me angry to watch them. They 57 00:03:32,810 --> 00:03:35,360 're leading people so astray they should go do, 58 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,620 go sell insurance, go do, do anything else. 59 00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:41,860 Don't do this is what I feel when I see that. 60 00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:41,920 But 61 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,310 they have perverted really both in the pulpit 62 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,520 and out these men who are like this, 63 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,430 the role that God has intended for them as 64 00:03:53,430 --> 00:03:58,160 laid out here in His word. You think about it 65 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:58,240 when 66 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,440 things go wrong on a football team. At some 67 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,870 point, what happens? The coach gets fired, 68 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:05,120 right? 69 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,130 Why? Well, because he's the leader. And 70 00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:11,840 ultimately, ultimately, though everything 71 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,020 is in his fault, the success is his 72 00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:17,470 responsibility. Why? Because he's the head 73 00:04:17,470 --> 00:04:19,920 coach. When profits 74 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,990 drop seriously in a corporation, it might not 75 00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:27,510 all be the CEO, but who ultimately gets 76 00:04:27,510 --> 00:04:28,400 replaced? 77 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,990 The person at the top, that's the nature of 78 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:34,880 leadership. And when it goes in business, 79 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,630 even in the church, right? That is true. The 80 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:40,000 leader bears the responsibility more than 81 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:40,880 anyone else 82 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,250 for the success and the failure all throughout 83 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:49,040 society and for sure in the home. As we're 84 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:49,120 going 85 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,990 to learn today, the buck stops with the 86 00:04:52,990 --> 00:04:58,080 husband. The buck stops with the father. And 87 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,600 by God's design 88 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,240 and by God's will, which is clearly laid out 89 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,580 in scripture, the man is the head of the 90 00:05:04,580 --> 00:05:05,600 household. 91 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:11,080 He is the leader. He is ultimately the one who 92 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:16,080 is the most responsible for the success of the 93 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,100 marriage, for the success of the family, and 94 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,280 for the the well-being of everybody involved 95 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:22,480 in the 96 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:27,590 house. So for all the things that absolutely 97 00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:32,800 must be said about the leftist feminist agenda 98 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:38,040 in our nation, we also cannot ignore the issue 99 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:43,040 of male irresponsibility and the failure of 100 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:43,520 men 101 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,590 to live up to their calling as the spiritual 102 00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:48,800 heads of their households. 103 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:56,640 Where are the strong, masculine husbands today 104 00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:01,840 in our nation? How in the world, as a dad, 105 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:06,790 do you show up to your daughter's soccer game? 106 00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:09,840 And on the other team across the field 107 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,290 is a six-foot-tall mentally ill boy who is 108 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:17,600 pretending to be a girl and he's suited up 109 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,730 to get ready to play on the girl's team. And 110 00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:24,160 how do you not, at that moment, as a dad, 111 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,980 get up out of your seat and go down on that 112 00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:30,000 field and wreak so much havoc that the police 113 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,330 need to be called? How do you not do that as a 114 00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:38,000 dad? Give me that opportunity and watch what 115 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:38,480 happens. 116 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,530 It's sickening. And time and time again in 117 00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:47,780 recent years at athletic events all across our 118 00:06:47,780 --> 00:06:48,320 country, 119 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,710 when that scenario has been played out, weak, 120 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:55,200 woke, pathetic, so-called men have sat in 121 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:55,920 their seats 122 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,440 and not said a word about it. It makes me 123 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:04,240 angry. They want to be nice. They don't want 124 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:04,720 to cause 125 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,640 trouble. But let me tell you, that's some 126 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,760 righteous trouble right there that needs to be 127 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:11,600 undertaken. 128 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,540 And so we have so-called men all over our 129 00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:16,400 country 130 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:21,050 doing all that they can do to fight against 131 00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:25,120 what I thank God that we have a strong 132 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,880 masculine president 133 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,240 who's done all that he can against this whole 134 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,480 agenda and men that are trying to stop it, 135 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,640 what he's doing. Where are the men who are the 136 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,320 backbone, the solid framework of structure 137 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:45,350 upon which you can build a solid marriage and 138 00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:49,200 a solid family and a society? Well, 139 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,760 I can tell you this, a bright spot as of late. 140 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,920 One of the few places you will find this is in 141 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:56,400 the 142 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,870 Reformed churches in our land, not in the Re 143 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:01,520 formed churches that have gone woke, and there 144 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:01,760 have been 145 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,460 a number of those, sadly, but there has been a 146 00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:09,520 resurgence in this understanding, and some 147 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:09,680 have 148 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:13,740 taken the lead on this. At our men's meeting 149 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:17,840 that we have once a month, I posted last time, 150 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,180 and I'm going to probably do this forever now, 151 00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:22,560 making masculinity in the church great again. 152 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,730 That's what we're trying to do at our men's 153 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:28,400 meeting, because the church has been infected 154 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,180 with this weak, pathetic, effeminate kind of 155 00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:35,360 bandhood, and it has to be reversed. 156 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,320 For the most part in the world, and even with 157 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,120 professing Christians, 158 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:46,800 the majority report for men in our society 159 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:52,480 finds men who have put at their highest 160 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:53,200 priority 161 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,200 their own personal agendas outside of the home 162 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:02,480 , their own personal goals, pursuing their own 163 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:07,010 achievements. Primarily, they live in a world 164 00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:10,130 mostly that's isolated from time with their 165 00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:10,720 families. 166 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:15,170 They spend way too much time out of the house, 167 00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:19,360 way too overactive in pursuing their careers, 168 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,020 seeking promotion, seeking prestige, seeking 169 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,840 respect, really mainly from people who are 170 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,320 outside of their own home, and don't get me 171 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,110 wrong, a man needs to work. A man needs to 172 00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:34,160 work hard. 173 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,440 If a man doesn't work hard, he ought not eat, 174 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,680 right? He needs to work in such a way with a 175 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,040 motivation as a Christian to bring glory to 176 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,620 God with his work. There's nothing wrong with 177 00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:44,960 making 178 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,780 plenty of money if you're good at what you do. 179 00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:50,560 That's part of your role, men, as to be a 180 00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:51,280 provider 181 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,210 for the family, but when your relentless, 182 00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:59,040 aggressive pursuit outside of the home of 183 00:09:59,040 --> 00:09:59,760 worldly 184 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:04,490 success is coupled with inside the home being 185 00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:08,880 passive, being indifferent and irresponsible 186 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,030 inside the home, that is where we run into 187 00:10:12,030 --> 00:10:15,120 major problems in our families. I'm going to 188 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:15,760 read a 189 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,040 letter sent by a lady to John MacArthur, and I 190 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:22,240 'm not going to read all of it for time's sake, 191 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,640 but just enough for you to get a practical 192 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:30,000 example of what I'm talking about. She wrote 193 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:30,320 this, 194 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:35,630 "The kids are in bed. There's nothing on TV 195 00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:40,080 tonight. I ask my husband if he minds if I 196 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:40,400 turn 197 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:45,280 off the tube. He grunts. As I walk to the set, 198 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:50,000 my mind is racing. Maybe, just maybe, tonight 199 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:50,320 we'll 200 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,650 talk. I may have a conversation that consists 201 00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:56,460 of more than my usual question with his m 202 00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:57,280 umbled one 203 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,820 word answer or more accurately. No answer at 204 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:04,400 all. May I interject something he dare not do 205 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:04,720 at work 206 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,670 if he wishes to climb the ladder of his 207 00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:12,770 success?" She goes on, "Silence. I live in a 208 00:11:12,770 --> 00:11:13,600 world with 209 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:18,080 continuous noise, but between him and me, 210 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,660 silence. Please, oh God, let him open up. I 211 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,520 initiate once 212 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,740 again for the thousandth time my heart pounds. 213 00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:29,680 Oh, how can I word it this time? What can I 214 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:30,160 say 215 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,090 that will open the door to just talk?" I don't 216 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:36,320 have to have a deep, meaningful conversation, 217 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,690 just something. As I open my mouth, she goes 218 00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:44,000 on, he gets up, goes to the bedroom. The door 219 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:44,400 closes 220 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,130 behind him. The light showing under the door 221 00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:49,840 gives way to darkness, and so does my hope. 222 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,700 I sit alone on the couch. My heart begins to 223 00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:58,880 ache. I'm tired of being alone. Hey, I've been 224 00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,680 married 225 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:04,010 for years. Why do I sit alone? The sadness 226 00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:06,640 undergoes a change slowly, 227 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,620 then with increased fervor, I get mad. I am 228 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:16,160 mad. I am sick and tired of living with a s 229 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:16,640 issy, 230 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,300 a wimp, a coward. You know he's afraid of me. 231 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,320 "Hasta, you say? You better believe it. I'm 232 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:22,800 sick 233 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,760 and tired of living in a world of passive men 234 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:30,000 ." Then she continues in her letter, "My two 235 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:30,240 sons 236 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,630 like sports. They're pretty good. It could be 237 00:12:33,630 --> 00:12:36,320 a lot better if their dad would take a little 238 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:36,800 of his 239 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,740 precious time and play catch with them. I'm 240 00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:42,880 sorry, catch once a year at the church picnic 241 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,120 doesn't 242 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,270 quite make the boys into great ballplayers, 243 00:12:45,270 --> 00:12:47,600 but dad's too busy. He's at work. He's at the 244 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:47,920 health 245 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,870 club. He's riding his four-wheeler. He's 246 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,870 working on the car. He's playing golf. He's 247 00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:52,720 tired. He's 248 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,950 watching a movie. So who plays catch with the 249 00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:58,400 boys? Me." My husband says, "You shouldn't be 250 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:58,880 playing men 251 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,540 sports, so who's going to do it?" He says he 252 00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:04,560 will, but he doesn't. Remember, he's too busy 253 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,370 satisfying himself doing what he likes. So my 254 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,520 poor sons have to be second rate in sports. 255 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,170 It could have been good, really good. She goes 256 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,080 on. It's a lot longer, but you get the picture 257 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:18,320 , right? 258 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,610 Here's the killer in the letter. She writes, " 259 00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:26,400 My husband's father did the same number on him. 260 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,550 Didn't hug him. Didn't take him to anything. 261 00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:31,840 Let alone watch his baseball games. 262 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,740 And he hates his father. And now my husband's 263 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,360 doing the same thing." 264 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,190 That and scenarios very similar in varying 265 00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,760 degrees are being played out 266 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:50,240 in millions of homes across our country right 267 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,680 now. Right this very second. 268 00:13:53,680 --> 00:14:00,200 And we can give some explanations, both soci 269 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,760 ologically and even historically. And I went 270 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,530 and read up on all of that. And I debated 271 00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:08,370 giving you those in this message, but for time 272 00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:08,720 's sake, 273 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,830 I'm just going to get right down to the issue 274 00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:15,120 of the explanation for the breakdown of male 275 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:15,680 leadership 276 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:21,380 in the home. And it is the fact that so many 277 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:28,320 men no longer obey the word of God. Period. 278 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,360 When this country was founded, and this is the 279 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,560 historical aspect, 280 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:39,530 90, over 90% of the men were Christians and 281 00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,240 they did strive to live obediently, 282 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,760 the majority of them, to the word of God. My 283 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,240 health things have changed. Now men don't. 284 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,430 In fact, throughout our society, most men 285 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:54,320 right now have no idea what the word of God 286 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,040 says about 287 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,870 this. And when they do find out, they're not 288 00:14:57,870 --> 00:15:02,800 interested in following it. There are so many 289 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,690 passive and indifferent and weak men in the 290 00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:08,400 home who out there in the world, oh, they're 291 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,120 strong and 292 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,720 aggressive out there. But it would come to 293 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,320 their families. They have abandoned the 294 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,680 responsibility 295 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,100 to their wives. They have forfeited their 296 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,960 character and they have really forfeited what 297 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:25,040 true manhood actually is and so doing. They 298 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,400 have abandoned their role of leadership. 299 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,230 And what do you expect out of all that but 300 00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,920 chaos and dysfunction in the family? What more 301 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:36,160 could 302 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,340 you expect? So what do we do about this 303 00:15:39,340 --> 00:15:45,220 Christian man? To be the man of God that God 304 00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:46,400 wants you to be, 305 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,250 you need to start with getting a grip on the 306 00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:52,720 responsibility that you have for the physical, 307 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,140 emotional, and spiritual well-being of your 308 00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:59,680 wife and of your family. That's where you 309 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,000 start. 310 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,060 And also added to that, the physical 311 00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:08,230 protection, strength, life-long provision, and 312 00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:08,720 support 313 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,380 that makes up all of this, what male headship 314 00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:16,160 is all about. There's nothing mystical about 315 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:16,480 this. 316 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:21,550 This is very, very practical, real manhood, 317 00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:25,920 real leadership for men has to start in the 318 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:26,480 home. This 319 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:29,550 is far more important in the big picture than 320 00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:32,640 any measure of success that you might have in 321 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:32,800 your 322 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:38,080 career. Now let's go back to our text. Ephes 323 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:47,880 ians 5, 25. "Husbands love your wives." Ephes 324 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,040 ians 5, 28. 325 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:53,790 So husbands also to love their own wives as 326 00:16:53,790 --> 00:17:00,260 their own bodies. Colossians 3, 19. "Husbands 327 00:17:00,260 --> 00:17:01,200 love your 328 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,200 wives and do not be embittered against them." 329 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,960 Do you think the Apostle Paul is trying to 330 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:05,280 tell us 331 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:09,880 something, man? We talked about this last time 332 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,560 . You love them with no mixture of 333 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,080 disappointment, 334 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,700 frustration, or embitterment. Go back and 335 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:19,200 listen to that first sermon I did for the 336 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,000 details on that. 337 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,220 The word love, if you scan, if you've got your 338 00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:26,720 Bible open, is used six times from verses 25 339 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:26,880 to 340 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,480 33. And that first statement gives us our 341 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,390 number one responsibility, men. Love your wife 342 00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:34,400 . 343 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,030 And not the way the world loves. As we saw 344 00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:41,120 last time, verse 25 gives us the how we are to 345 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:41,360 love 346 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,850 our wives as Christian men. Look at it again, 347 00:17:44,850 --> 00:17:47,790 verse 25. "Just as Christ also loved the 348 00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:48,320 church," 349 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,140 and there's the important word, "gave himself 350 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:56,240 up for her." Also remember last time we 351 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:56,720 learned from 352 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,400 Peter that we are to love our wives in an 353 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,480 understanding way and grant her honor as 354 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:04,960 fellow 355 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,510 heirs with the grace of life. Go back and look 356 00:18:08,510 --> 00:18:12,340 at that again for detail. Men, the most 357 00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:12,640 important 358 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:17,050 reality here is Christ's example, right? How 359 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:21,160 did Christ love the church? He gave sacrific 360 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:21,600 ially. 361 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,990 That's how we are to love our wives. That was 362 00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:26,560 point number one. Then we said our love for 363 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:26,880 our 364 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,860 wives number two is to be a purifying love. 365 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,560 And we saw again the greatest example of Jesus 366 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:32,800 looking 367 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:36,530 verses 26 to 27. So that he might sanctify her 368 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:39,650 , that means the church, for example, having 369 00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:40,160 cleansed 370 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,140 her by the washing of water with the word that 371 00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:46,400 he might present to himself the church in all 372 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:46,640 her 373 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:50,340 glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such 374 00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:53,860 thing, but that she would be holy and blam 375 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:54,400 eless, 376 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,000 which is our example on leading our wives 377 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,600 spiritually in the same direction that we are 378 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,440 going in the Christian life. Growing in grace, 379 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,440 growing in spiritual maturity, growing in this 380 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,270 process of being conformed to the image of 381 00:19:10,270 --> 00:19:13,280 Christ, the same thing that Christ is doing 382 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,240 with the church, 383 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,190 the same thing that He's doing with us is the 384 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:21,040 same thing that we are about to be doing 385 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,800 with our leading our wives spiritually. It all 386 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,000 works together. Now let's go to number three. 387 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:28,160 Our 388 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:33,680 love is to be a caring love. Verse 28. So 389 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,700 husbands ought also to love their own wives as 390 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:38,400 their own 391 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,780 bodies. Now, what does that mean? Well, it's 392 00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:46,960 very simple, guys. We take care of our own 393 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:47,440 bodies, 394 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:52,300 right? I mean, you got up this morning and you 395 00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:55,280 probably ate breakfast. And if you got here 396 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:55,520 early 397 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,930 and up, you ate some more breakfast and we're 398 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,670 so thankful to Christy and all you who 399 00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:00,240 provided 400 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,390 the pastor appreciation brunch for us. You 401 00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:08,640 brushed your teeth. I hope you did. You calmed 402 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,120 your hair. 403 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,440 You did all the things necessary, didn't you? 404 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,080 To yourself to get yourself ready to come to 405 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:16,480 church. 406 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,280 And so the issue here in verse 28 is to give 407 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,800 attention to meeting needs. 408 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,360 We are called to treat our wives with the same 409 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:34,000 preoccupation that we give to ourselves. 410 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,270 Look down at verse 31 real quick, which is a 411 00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,480 quotation from Genesis chapter number two. 412 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:53,420 You need to know something, married man. When 413 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,080 you got married, you became one. 414 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,770 So in a sense, you are one body with your wife 415 00:21:00,770 --> 00:21:06,640 . So when Paul says verse 28, husbands ought to 416 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,210 also love their own wives as their own bodies. 417 00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,400 You want to remember this. When you got 418 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,080 married, 419 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:17,310 you became one body. And if her needs are met, 420 00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:21,680 your needs are met. If her needs are not met, 421 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,710 believe me, it won't take you too long into a 422 00:21:24,710 --> 00:21:27,040 marriage to realize that your needs won't be 423 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:33,210 met either. So you are to give her the same 424 00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:40,830 care that you give to yourself. You take care 425 00:21:40,830 --> 00:21:41,680 of her 426 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,970 as if she were you. Like you take care of 427 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:49,320 yourself because you are one in indivisible on 428 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:49,840 eness. 429 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:54,290 You are inseparable. The old sayings we repeat 430 00:21:54,290 --> 00:21:58,080 all the time are true. Happy wife, happy life. 431 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,760 Right? If mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. 432 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,400 Right? You want to be a happy husband, men? 433 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:12,410 Have a happy wife. And we can really ramp this 434 00:22:12,410 --> 00:22:16,880 up next to the most intense reality that we 435 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:17,040 have 436 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,970 to deal with. If your wife is a Christian, 437 00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:23,040 guess what, man? She's not only one with you, 438 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:28,610 but she's also one with Christ as well. And in 439 00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:32,400 light of that, you better be careful how you 440 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:36,060 treat her. Matthew 18, Jesus is talking about 441 00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:40,160 how we handle one of the little ones. But in 442 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,770 context there, he's not just talking about 443 00:22:41,770 --> 00:22:43,840 little children. He's talking about believers. 444 00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:44,160 How do I 445 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,590 know that? Well, he says, unless you are 446 00:22:46,590 --> 00:22:50,160 converted and become like children, then he 447 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:50,640 says you will 448 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,670 not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever hum 449 00:22:53,670 --> 00:22:56,650 bles himself as this child, that's the context 450 00:22:56,650 --> 00:22:57,120 there, 451 00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:00,460 as this child like children. So that means if 452 00:23:00,460 --> 00:23:03,520 you treat another believer wrong or cause them 453 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:03,600 to 454 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,610 stumble, he says, better for you to have a 455 00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:07,840 millstone hanging around your neck and to be 456 00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:08,400 drowned in the 457 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,040 depths of the sea. That's what Jesus says. And 458 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:17,280 that goes for your Christian wife, too, men. 459 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:23,020 She is also a child of the king. So you better 460 00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:28,880 be careful how you treat her. You treat her 461 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:35,090 like you treat yourself. Verse 29, "For no one 462 00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:39,280 ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and 463 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:43,430 cherishes it." Don't fall for humanistic 464 00:23:43,430 --> 00:23:47,600 psychology that says your problem is you just 465 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:48,400 need to love 466 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,270 yourself. You just need to work on your self- 467 00:23:52,270 --> 00:23:57,800 esteem. Just think about how right the Bible is 468 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,000 . 469 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,310 Our problem is not that we need to learn how 470 00:24:01,310 --> 00:24:04,160 to love ourselves. Our problem is we love 471 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:04,640 ourselves 472 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:08,120 too much. That's our problem. It's the 473 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:12,010 complete opposite. We are naturally selfish 474 00:24:12,010 --> 00:24:12,960 creatures 475 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,800 and self-loving. And the Bible comes against 476 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,590 that and says, no, you need to learn how to 477 00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:19,040 die to 478 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,970 yourself is what you need to learn. You need 479 00:24:21,970 --> 00:24:25,280 to learn how to kill that selfish, self-loving 480 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,000 bit that you have in your flesh. That's what 481 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,900 you need to work on. Complete opposite of 482 00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:31,280 therapy 483 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,690 and psychology. That's why verse 29 says it, " 484 00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:37,600 For no one ever hated his own flesh." What does 485 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:37,920 he do 486 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,930 with it? Nourishes it and cherishes it. That's 487 00:24:40,930 --> 00:24:43,920 the right diagnosis. And then look next, just 488 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,040 as 489 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,910 Christ also does the church. Husbands, we are 490 00:24:48,910 --> 00:24:52,540 to nourish and cherish our wives just like 491 00:24:52,540 --> 00:24:53,280 Christ 492 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,150 does the church. You are one flesh with your 493 00:24:57,150 --> 00:25:00,160 wife, husband, and you must take care of her 494 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:00,560 as you do 495 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,310 yourself. That's how Christ cares for the 496 00:25:03,310 --> 00:25:06,360 church. You know what he does? He meets the 497 00:25:06,360 --> 00:25:07,440 church's needs. 498 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,440 Look at Philippians 419, "And my God will 499 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,370 supply all your needs according to his riches 500 00:25:15,370 --> 00:25:16,640 in glory in 501 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,420 Christ Jesus." God will meet all your needs in 502 00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:23,920 Christ Jesus. Is there any Christian up in 503 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:24,160 this 504 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,550 room who can say, no, he doesn't. You'd be 505 00:25:27,550 --> 00:25:30,080 lying if you said that. You know that. 506 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:34,830 And notice it doesn't say all our wants. Like 507 00:25:34,830 --> 00:25:38,080 the pastor said, I just want a Cadillac 508 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,030 church. Can you get it for me? In Jesus' name. 509 00:25:42,030 --> 00:25:44,160 No, it's all our needs. 510 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,770 What did Jesus say? "Seek ye first the kingdom 511 00:25:47,770 --> 00:25:50,960 of God and all these things will be added unto 512 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:51,360 you." 513 00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,220 That's needs that he's talking about. So if 514 00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:56,640 you want your marriage to be blessed, 515 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,350 take care of your wife and meet her needs. 516 00:25:59,350 --> 00:26:03,520 Something is seriously wrong when a man only 517 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,720 sees his wife as a cook, a housekeeper, a 518 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:07,920 housekeeper, a babysitter and a partner in the 519 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:08,320 bed. 520 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,300 Something is seriously wrong with that picture 521 00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:14,640 . That attitude right there keeps a cauldron of 522 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,680 dysfunction bubbling up under the surface and 523 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,030 there are regular continual outbursts of 524 00:26:22,030 --> 00:26:22,880 conflict 525 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,760 in that type of situation that's played out on 526 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,720 a regular basis. So the husband is to care for 527 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:28,880 the 528 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,300 wife as Christ care for the church. Verse 30, 529 00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:36,720 "Because we are members of his body." 530 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:42,320 He does it because we are one with him. Men, 531 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,520 we need to do it with our wives because we are 532 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:46,080 one 533 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,600 with them. That's the point. 1 Corinthians 6- 534 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:53,110 17, "But the one who joins himself to the Lord 535 00:26:53,110 --> 00:26:54,000 is one 536 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,520 spirit with him." And he cares for us because 537 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:04,000 we are one with him. That's the picture, man. 538 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:08,070 That's the beautiful picture of how we are to 539 00:27:08,070 --> 00:27:12,080 care for our wives because they are one with 540 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:12,400 us. 541 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,280 Notice how God weaves all these pictures 542 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,560 together so perfectly in the Bible. To think 543 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:19,520 that man could 544 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,590 have put all this together in this book like 545 00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:23,840 this, it's just pure folly to think that. 546 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:27,930 Where this is not being lived out, let me tell 547 00:27:27,930 --> 00:27:30,230 you, it can make for quite a miserable 548 00:27:30,230 --> 00:27:30,720 marriage 549 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:36,040 for sure. Number four, "This is an unbreakable 550 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,040 love." We're talking about verse 31, again a 551 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:39,280 quote 552 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,410 from Genesis 2-24, "For this reason a man 553 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:45,360 shall leave his father and mother and shall be 554 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:45,920 joined to 555 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,040 his wife and the two shall become one flesh." 556 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,230 Now, the primary reference of one flesh, of 557 00:27:52,230 --> 00:27:52,400 course, 558 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,900 is to the physical, sexual union of husband 559 00:27:54,900 --> 00:27:57,680 and wife. And it is that for sure, but beyond 560 00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:58,000 the 561 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,220 intimacy of the physical relationship, it's 562 00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:03,810 really, as I've been saying, it includes 563 00:28:03,810 --> 00:28:04,480 everything 564 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:09,390 about our life together as a married couple, 565 00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:13,440 being one in all things. God's design going 566 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:13,920 all the way 567 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,770 back to the beginning in Genesis, is that a 568 00:28:16,770 --> 00:28:19,360 man and a woman leave their respective 569 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:20,000 families and 570 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,010 come together as one in every way that there 571 00:28:23,010 --> 00:28:27,360 is to come together. They become one flesh and 572 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:27,520 they 573 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,210 cling to one another. This oneness is intimate 574 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:34,700 , it's unique in all relationships and it's 575 00:28:34,700 --> 00:28:35,360 personal. 576 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:38,680 Individual identity is to be lost when we get 577 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,800 married. God's design is that you become a new 578 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:47,090 person co-mingled with your spouse. And as I 579 00:28:47,090 --> 00:28:50,000 read at the weddings, every time I do a 580 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:50,320 wedding, 581 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,470 what God has joined together, let no man put a 582 00:28:53,470 --> 00:28:56,160 son. That's why God hates divorce, 583 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:00,460 because divorce severs that indivisible 584 00:29:00,460 --> 00:29:04,240 relationship that he designed from the very 585 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:04,720 beginning. 586 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,910 I told you last time I'm a pastor, but me and 587 00:29:09,910 --> 00:29:12,720 Christie back there are a team at doing this 588 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:16,000 in every way possible that you can imagine. 589 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:21,360 When we are not at our day jobs, if you 590 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:21,840 followed us 591 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,910 around, not only would you be entertained most 592 00:29:24,910 --> 00:29:27,680 of the time, you will rarely find us apart 593 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:28,080 from one 594 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,510 another outside when we're working our day job 595 00:29:31,510 --> 00:29:34,400 . Where you see me most of the time, you're 596 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:34,880 going to see 597 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,910 her. Most of the time when you don't see me, 598 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:40,480 if you see her is when she is shopping. 599 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:44,610 Because I just can't wrap my mind around five 600 00:29:44,610 --> 00:29:47,840 hours of walking around without a goal being 601 00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,980 accomplished at all, like nothing, you didn't 602 00:29:50,980 --> 00:29:55,140 get anything. And even when I try to go 603 00:29:55,140 --> 00:29:55,920 shopping to 604 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,900 take her, it's not long before, I don't even 605 00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:00,160 have to say a word, you're making me nervous. 606 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,540 I didn't even say anything, I'm just trying to 607 00:30:03,540 --> 00:30:05,840 go along with this unaccomplishable goal that 608 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,710 we're trying to reach, right? But when you see 609 00:30:09,710 --> 00:30:12,400 me, you're going to see her, we're a team, 610 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,200 we're together, we're inseparable in that way. 611 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:21,200 You'll notice the word leave in verse 31. It's 612 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:21,200 a 613 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,910 very intense word here, it means to leave 614 00:30:23,910 --> 00:30:27,120 behind, to abandon, literally to leave. And 615 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,850 that's some advice that all young couples who 616 00:30:30,850 --> 00:30:34,240 have need when they first get married, 617 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:38,800 they've started to cleave as the new King 618 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,920 James says, but they've forgotten to leave, 619 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:46,830 which is very helpful advice. The word joined, 620 00:30:46,830 --> 00:30:51,200 cleave in the old King James, mean to be glued 621 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:51,440 to. 622 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,310 That's what you are supposed to be to your 623 00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:57,440 wife, man. You come together to stick, 624 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,140 you come together in the oneness of physical 625 00:31:00,140 --> 00:31:03,200 union, which incorporates oneness of mind, 626 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,490 oneness of purpose, oneness of heart, oneness 627 00:31:06,490 --> 00:31:10,000 of emotion, and then you enter into the most 628 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,600 private, magnificent, intimate, personal 629 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,720 relationship that God has ever designed. 630 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:22,210 That is a husband and wife. And what if a 631 00:31:22,210 --> 00:31:24,640 Christian man gets to the point of questioning 632 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,100 what would happen? I'm so sick of her if I 633 00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:31,040 divorce my life without a biblical cause. 634 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,640 All the same thing that would happen with a 635 00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,600 Christian woman. First, you'd be in direct 636 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,640 violation of the word of God. And that is not 637 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,960 a good place for a Christian to be, 638 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,800 because that invites the chastening hand of 639 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,720 God upon your life. 640 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:51,660 And if you would consider those two things and 641 00:31:51,660 --> 00:31:54,160 you'd still pull that trigger, you know what 642 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,010 that tells me? You have reached a point where 643 00:31:57,010 --> 00:31:59,700 you are either so sinful in your own life that 644 00:31:59,700 --> 00:31:59,840 you 645 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,900 are the one at fault because you have alien 646 00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:06,890 ated your spouse, or you have just ceased to 647 00:32:06,890 --> 00:32:08,160 understand 648 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,060 how to forgive. We talked about that last time 649 00:32:12,060 --> 00:32:16,800 . Let me tell you, if there is a regular 650 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:17,280 pattern of 651 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:21,150 unforgiveness in a marriage, it just accum 652 00:32:21,150 --> 00:32:25,450 ulates, and accumulates, and accumulates, and 653 00:32:25,450 --> 00:32:26,560 it builds, 654 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:30,720 and it builds up this wall of bitterness that 655 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,560 is built between the two spouses that is 656 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:35,120 really 657 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,460 extremely hard to break down, especially when 658 00:32:38,460 --> 00:32:41,920 it's been done over years and years of time. 659 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,730 How many times a day does the Lord forgive you 660 00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:50,160 , men, all day, every day? That's the answer. 661 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,920 And yet his love never changes, does it? It 662 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:59,210 never wanes. You're still his chosen. He's 663 00:32:59,210 --> 00:32:59,760 still going 664 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:03,200 to bring you to glory when you die. How many 665 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:07,760 times are we to forgive each other? Peter 666 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:08,000 asked 667 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,530 that. He said, Lord, how many times do we 668 00:33:09,530 --> 00:33:12,240 forgive? We forgive seven times? What did 669 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,840 Jesus say? Seventy 670 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,870 times seven. If you don't get used to 671 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:18,640 forgiving one another, let me tell you 672 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:20,000 something. Tough 673 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,290 sledding, your marriage is going to be real 674 00:33:22,290 --> 00:33:24,800 tough sledding because we're sinners bumping 675 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,200 into one 676 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,960 another all the time regularly. So, men, you 677 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,720 love your life with a sacrificial love, a pur 678 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:31,200 ifying 679 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,870 love, a caring love that nourishes and cher 680 00:33:33,870 --> 00:33:36,700 ishes her. You love your wife with an unbreak 681 00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:37,440 able love 682 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,450 that just keeps forgiving and forgiving and 683 00:33:39,450 --> 00:33:43,200 forgiving and forgiving. And here are some 684 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,820 advice for young people that you can pass on. 685 00:33:46,820 --> 00:33:49,200 And really, this is a warning. 686 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:54,380 And most of us, we can pass this to many young 687 00:33:54,380 --> 00:33:58,240 people that we come to or in our families or 688 00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:58,400 in 689 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:03,370 our friends, really choose wisely who it is 690 00:34:03,370 --> 00:34:08,480 you're going to marry. I heard Vodibachem, 691 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,380 God rest his soul, said to young ladies this, 692 00:34:12,380 --> 00:34:15,920 "If you have not found a man whose godliness 693 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,410 is something that you want, shepherding your 694 00:34:18,410 --> 00:34:22,150 children, do not marry him. No matter his 695 00:34:22,150 --> 00:34:22,880 looks, 696 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,600 no matter his money, no matter his status." 697 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:31,920 And for sure, don't think you're going to 698 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:32,480 convert him 699 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:37,250 into being that kind of man. Consider no other 700 00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:38,560 kind of man. 701 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,840 And you don't have to worry about that. 702 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:45,280 Consider no other kind of man other than a man 703 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:46,320 whose godliness 704 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,920 is already evidently, evidently very clearly 705 00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,520 in place because only God converts sinners. 706 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,140 There's never any guarantees, never. And young 707 00:34:57,140 --> 00:35:00,400 man, the same is true when considering a wife. 708 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,430 If she doesn't possess a godliness that you 709 00:35:03,430 --> 00:35:06,320 want first and foremost and being a mother to 710 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:06,560 your 711 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,870 children, run. You know, I have anything to do 712 00:35:09,870 --> 00:35:13,200 with her. You can pass that along. Most of us 713 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:13,360 are 714 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,820 not young in here anymore, right? So, I'm 715 00:35:15,820 --> 00:35:19,100 giving you some advice to pass on. This has to 716 00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:19,440 be far 717 00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,730 in a way an absolute prerequisite or they 718 00:35:21,730 --> 00:35:24,000 shouldn't even be considered spouses. 719 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:28,510 Now, next, let's talk about the motive, verse 720 00:35:28,510 --> 00:35:32,560 32. This mystery is great, but I'm speaking 721 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:32,720 with 722 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:37,180 reference to Christ and the church. So, I mean 723 00:35:37,180 --> 00:35:41,120 , why? Why should we love our wives like this, 724 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,230 sacrificially, purifying, caring, unbreakable, 725 00:35:44,230 --> 00:35:46,380 relentlessly forgiving, never becoming emb 726 00:35:46,380 --> 00:35:47,040 ittered? 727 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:50,310 The motive? It's because of the sacredness of 728 00:35:50,310 --> 00:35:54,400 marriage. It's because of what marriage means 729 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,470 to God. Who it means so much to him. He instit 730 00:35:57,470 --> 00:36:00,180 uted right there at the very beginning. 731 00:36:00,180 --> 00:36:00,880 Marriage is 732 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,710 a mystery and a marriage among Christians. 733 00:36:03,710 --> 00:36:05,910 What it is, is it's a picture of Christ and 734 00:36:05,910 --> 00:36:06,720 the church 735 00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:08,930 in the New Testament. What is a mystery? A 736 00:36:08,930 --> 00:36:11,680 mystery identifies something hidden in the 737 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:12,240 past and 738 00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,440 revealed in the New Testament age that's 739 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,120 revealed in the Scripture. And marriage is a 740 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:18,400 sacred reflection 741 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,660 of this magnificent mystery of the union 742 00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:24,800 between Christ and his church, which was 743 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:25,760 completely 744 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,600 unknown in the Old Testament and not revealed 745 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,200 into the New Testament. And guess what? We 746 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:32,000 should be in 747 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:36,000 all of that mystery. And then one final word, 748 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:40,800 verse 33. And this really just reviews 749 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:41,120 everything. 750 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,660 Verse 33, "Nevertheless, each individual among 751 00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:47,740 you also is to love his own wife, even as 752 00:36:47,740 --> 00:36:48,240 himself, 753 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:52,390 and the wife must see to it that she respects 754 00:36:52,390 --> 00:36:55,670 her husband." And as an aside, ladies, I'm 755 00:36:55,670 --> 00:36:55,840 going to 756 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,230 tell you one way to cause absolute, sure 757 00:36:58,230 --> 00:37:00,710 guarantee problems in your marriage is to 758 00:37:00,710 --> 00:37:01,760 disrespect your 759 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,150 husband both in private and in public. I can 760 00:37:05,150 --> 00:37:08,240 promise you that. And I'm telling you this 761 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:08,720 because it's 762 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:12,240 just the way that we are wired that a man 763 00:37:12,240 --> 00:37:15,810 being disrespected, especially in public, is 764 00:37:15,810 --> 00:37:16,160 such a 765 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,590 big deal to us. That's how we're wired. A lot 766 00:37:19,590 --> 00:37:23,010 of marriages break up after the kids have left 767 00:37:23,010 --> 00:37:23,040 the 768 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,290 house. A lot of us here in that situation 769 00:37:26,290 --> 00:37:30,340 where the kids have long left the house, think 770 00:37:30,340 --> 00:37:30,880 about it. 771 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,800 Just think about how it goes. All that energy, 772 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,160 all that time and sacrifice, all those years 773 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:38,320 that 774 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,120 you put into raising those kids, all those 775 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:43,840 challenging years, every one of the different 776 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,020 seasons of a child's life is very challenging 777 00:37:47,020 --> 00:37:50,710 in its own ways. Infancy, toddler, elementary 778 00:37:50,710 --> 00:37:51,040 school, 779 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:53,670 the dread of middle school and high school, 780 00:37:53,670 --> 00:37:56,000 homework, all the things, all the weight of 781 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,910 the rent, running around like an Uber driver, 782 00:37:58,910 --> 00:38:01,520 the sporting events, all of your energy 783 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:02,560 together and 784 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:06,530 focus so many years, pour it out on those kids 785 00:38:06,530 --> 00:38:10,000 , trying your best to put them in the best 786 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:10,560 position 787 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:13,300 of possible for adulthood, the tears, the joys 788 00:38:13,300 --> 00:38:17,040 , the hollering, the loving, the laughing. It's 789 00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:17,280 just 790 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:22,460 all such a roller coaster and then one day all 791 00:38:22,460 --> 00:38:27,840 of a sudden they're gone unless they come back 792 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:27,920 . 793 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:34,500 But at some point they're gone and it's just 794 00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:38,240 you two and everything's quiet. 795 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,860 After all those challenging, insanely busy 796 00:38:43,860 --> 00:38:48,000 years and what should be a second honeymoon, 797 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,410 many times results in complete collapse. You 798 00:38:50,410 --> 00:38:53,920 know why? Because when it's just you two, 799 00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:55,870 all those years you did it mostly your own way 800 00:38:55,870 --> 00:39:00,480 . And now there's no foundation and the bond 801 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:00,880 has 802 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,310 real, really no strength to it because you 803 00:39:03,310 --> 00:39:05,920 weren't doing it God's way between you two, 804 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:10,210 you were just doing everything for the kids. 805 00:39:10,210 --> 00:39:15,360 But, for example, as we talked about last time 806 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:15,360 , 807 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:19,900 if you haven't kept that list of offenses that 808 00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:21,600 we talked about, 809 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:25,620 if there is no such list of offenses between 810 00:39:25,620 --> 00:39:29,520 you, if you are as good at forgetting sins and 811 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:30,000 failures 812 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,760 as God is as good at forgetting your sins and 813 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,710 failures, if you have cultivated men a sacr 814 00:39:35,710 --> 00:39:36,160 ificial 815 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,610 love for your wife, purifying, caring, unbreak 816 00:39:38,610 --> 00:39:41,120 able, guess what? In that moment when it's just 817 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:41,280 you 818 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,980 two, you will be rewarded. You've built a 819 00:39:43,980 --> 00:39:46,640 solid foundation through the years while 820 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:47,120 dealing with 821 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,130 all the challenges of raising children and it 822 00:39:50,130 --> 00:39:52,830 can be and it should be the best of times 823 00:39:52,830 --> 00:39:53,040 because 824 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:57,170 that's how God designed it to be. It's really 825 00:39:57,170 --> 00:40:01,610 sad when it declines like that. Listen to this 826 00:40:01,610 --> 00:40:02,080 excerpt 827 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,500 from an old article. You remember the Saturday 828 00:40:05,500 --> 00:40:06,480 evening post? 829 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:11,420 This article is called The Seven Stages of the 830 00:40:11,420 --> 00:40:17,680 Married Cold. Stage one! First year of 831 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:18,080 marriage. 832 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:22,050 Sugar, I'm so worried about you. You've got a 833 00:40:22,050 --> 00:40:24,900 sniffle and there's no telling about such 834 00:40:24,900 --> 00:40:25,120 things. 835 00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,380 I'm going to put you in the hospital today for 836 00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:29,680 a general checkup and some rest. I know the 837 00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:30,080 food's 838 00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,580 lousy at the hospital, so I'll have your meals 839 00:40:32,580 --> 00:40:34,960 catered and I've already enraged it with the 840 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:35,360 floor 841 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:40,260 superintendent. Year two. Listen, darling, I 842 00:40:40,260 --> 00:40:43,360 just don't like the sound of that cough and I 843 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:43,680 called 844 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:47,120 Dr. Miller to rush over here. Now, you go to 845 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,560 bed like a good girl, please. Year three. 846 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,320 Maybe you 847 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,220 better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little 848 00:40:55,220 --> 00:40:57,810 rest when you don't feel well. Have you got 849 00:40:57,810 --> 00:40:58,640 any soup? 850 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:04,730 Year four. Look, dear. Be sensible. After you 851 00:41:04,730 --> 00:41:07,360 feed the kids and get the dishes washed, 852 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:11,410 you better go there and lay down. Year five. 853 00:41:11,410 --> 00:41:15,250 Why don't you get yourself a couple of aspirin 854 00:41:15,250 --> 00:41:15,680 ? 855 00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:19,850 Year six. For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. You 856 00:41:19,850 --> 00:41:22,720 're going to give me pneumonia. 857 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:28,040 Year seven. You know, if you just gargle, you 858 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,080 wouldn't be sitting around barking like a seal 859 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:30,560 up in here. 860 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:38,940 Now, look, it doesn't have to be that way. You 861 00:41:38,940 --> 00:41:43,200 hear me? Not in God's plan. 862 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:46,020 The old preacher Billy Sunday once said, 863 00:41:46,020 --> 00:41:48,720 gentlemen, try praising your wife even if it 864 00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:49,440 frightens her. 865 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:58,640 For Christians, listen to me. It's never too 866 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,480 late to get this right, 867 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:05,060 to get this straight. And guess what, men? You 868 00:42:05,060 --> 00:42:08,880 are the head of the household. So if you 869 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,000 don't have this straight, it's up to you to 870 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:13,120 take the lead. You take the lead in getting 871 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:13,600 this straight 872 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:15,760 if it's not straight right now. And that 873 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,230 starts, men, just as we have been learning 874 00:42:18,230 --> 00:42:18,800 with loving 875 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:21,710 your lives sacrificially as Christ loved the 876 00:42:21,710 --> 00:42:24,720 church. That is where you start right there. 877 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,270 But you have to be straight in your own 878 00:42:26,270 --> 00:42:28,240 spiritual life before you can ever get there, 879 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:28,480 right? 880 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,750 But I promise you, I don't care where you're 881 00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,520 at in your marriage or how long you've been 882 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:34,320 married, 883 00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,970 you need to get this thing rebuilt. That's the 884 00:42:36,970 --> 00:42:39,760 foundation of rebuilding the whole thing. 885 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,580 Love your wife as Christ loved the church. And 886 00:42:42,580 --> 00:42:47,450 really again, it all comes down to this. 887 00:42:47,450 --> 00:42:48,240 Period. 888 00:42:48,240 --> 00:42:50,690 Are you going to do things God's way or are 889 00:42:50,690 --> 00:42:52,400 you going to do things your way? 890 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,200 Which way Christian man? That's what it comes 891 00:42:57,200 --> 00:43:02,790 down to. Never forget we have limited time to 892 00:43:02,790 --> 00:43:03,040 get 893 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:07,580 this figured out. And the clock is ticking. 894 00:43:07,580 --> 00:43:11,680 Let's pray. Amen. We thank you for this 895 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,200 instruction. 896 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:18,590 Indeed, no one is more convicted than me. We 897 00:43:18,590 --> 00:43:24,400 should all stand convicted because we're all 898 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,590 sinners saved by grace, but sinners still. We 899 00:43:26,590 --> 00:43:28,720 have peaks and valleys. We have successes and 900 00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:28,880 we 901 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,710 have failures. And what I want to pray right 902 00:43:31,710 --> 00:43:34,540 now for is especially for the husbands in this 903 00:43:34,540 --> 00:43:34,960 room, 904 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,480 or wherever we are falling short and failing 905 00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:43,040 in this area that what we've heard and learned 906 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:43,200 here 907 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,720 today from your Word would be used in such a 908 00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:48,000 way that we would make application by 909 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,320 beginning to ramp 910 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:53,320 up with loving our wives as Christ loved the 911 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,840 church. And as we went through the thing with 912 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:59,120 the ladies in the previous verses, that they 913 00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,930 would be subject to us just as they are to 914 00:44:01,930 --> 00:44:02,800 Christ. 915 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,840 Well, this is practical instruction. You have 916 00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:11,440 designed a way which is not the world's way. 917 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,680 It's completely opposite of the world's way. 918 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:17,040 It is never given in any type of 919 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,500 man-centered secular therapy, nor should it be 920 00:44:19,500 --> 00:44:23,590 . It's your way. So help us, Lord, to be 921 00:44:23,590 --> 00:44:24,240 convicted, 922 00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:27,560 to do things your way. That our marriages, 923 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,880 though they never will be perfect in this life 924 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:30,880 , 925 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,710 will be the best that they can be, all to your 926 00:44:34,710 --> 00:44:40,640 glory. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.